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He, he (Alexandrian Librarian) (28 July)
Zam Wesell
alexandrian_lib wrote in 30_hath
Title: He, he
Author: alexandrian_lib
House: Ravenclaw
Date/Challenge: 28 – death, a necessary end, will come when it will come
Character/Pairing: Colin Creevey/Bellatrix Lestrange
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1463
Genre/Warnings (if applicable): Het bedroom scene


Colin Creevey was on a very special mission. While he had been shopping at Madam Malkin's, he had overheard a most ominous discussion in the quietest of tones. A display of robes, holding sleeves and shuffling back and forth, had easily hidden his small form from the speakers. Apparently, the Dark Lord was planning to ambush Harry Potter in the Leaky Cauldron when he came to purchase his school things! Colin knew what he must do to protect Harry. Thus, with Gryffindor bravery, he had marched stalwartly into the Leaky Cauldron, almost dropping his purchases in agitation. The pub was filled with parents of Hogwarts students, enjoying a relaxing drink after rushing about all morning gathering school supplies. Almost every chair was filled; the only empty ones were across from a dark-haired witch who sat staring steadily at the Muggle doorway. Colin wasn't sure he wanted to sit near her; she looked a little unstable. He immediately berated himself for such a petty concern. He was a Gryffindor; surely he could brave an unhinged witch in order to look out for Harry Potter!

"Ex-excuse me," Colin said, his voice squeaking a bit in trepidation. "May I sit here?"

The witch looked startled to see the wisp of a boy in her line of sight, but she soon relaxed a little. A cunning smile came to her face, and she replied, "Of course, of course. It would look odd if I were the only one at this table and other people were standing."

"Ah," Colin said, sitting down with a thump next to her and lowering his voice in a high-pitched, excited whisper. If she wanted to retain her incognito, that probably meant she was here to protect Harry. Possibly the Ministry had heard of the plan, too, and had sent an Auror. "You must be here to look out for him, too." He imbued the word him with significance.

"Well, yes," the woman responded, squinting her dark eyelids thoughtfully at him. This boy must be someone sent to watch her. Perhaps a schoolfriend of her nephew. "Although He doesn't need my protection."

"Oh, of course not!" Colin rushed to agree. "He's quite capable of doing anything by himself. It's only that I like to be there for him, to let him know we're there for him no matter what."

"That's exactly what I've been saying all these years. He may not need our assistance, but He appreciates our loyalty, and He knows we like to feel useful. Well, some of us do, anyway." She scowled darkly.

Colin bobbed his head, mousy hair flopping up and down with the vigour of his movement.

"Oh, he's just so wonderful," Colin agreed, "so thoughtful and strong and smart and brave." He trailed off into a sigh.

"And handsome, too," she sighed in turn. "Although some people say He's strange-looking."

"Who says he's strange-looking?" At Colin's incensed squeak, several heads turned in their direction. He noticed the attention and lowered his voice a little. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way he looks. So what if there's the slightest, tiny bit of spell damage? It makes him look distinguished, and it's honestly come by. In fact," his voice rose dangerously high and loud again, and a woman sitting nearby put her hands over her ears, "I think I might like him less if he looked more normal!"

The woman was aroused by their shared passion. "You're rather a pretty little boy, aren't you?" She grasped his chin, sharp fingernails digging into his skin.

"I'm sixteen years old!" Mortifyingly, Colin's voice cracked at this.

"Look," she said, shifting eagerly in her chair, "we both know He doesn't really need our help. In fact, He'll have everything under control the moment he walks in; it wouldn't do to get in His way. Why don't we Apparate to a nice quiet place, share a little fantasy about our mutual idol...." Her fingers curled even harder around his chin.

Colin's eyes grew round. A possibility like this had never occurred to him, not even in his dreams... well, perhaps the once. And that time in fourth year. Oh, and that other time in the Gryffindor dormitories when Professor Snape had been so horrid that Colin spent lunchtime huddled in his bed, trying to make the awful memories go away. Still, this was the first time anyone had actually offered to let him pretend to sleep with Harry Potter. She was quite a woman, attractive in a non-Harry sort of way.

"W-wh-y-ye-yes, yes!" He barely managed to stutter the words beyond the haze of hormones shrouding him. Colin remained dazed as the woman dragged him behind the pub and Apparated them near the entrance of a rather dank house.

"I know He doesn't mind that we're here; everyone else is out, and," she whispered in his ear, "the sheets still smell of Him."

Colin shook at the thought. It seemed awfully perverse, yet extraordinarily arousing. And Harry had told her he didn't mind. He shivered again, then looked around at the house.

"He lives here?" Colin looked faintly appalled. Everyone knew Harry lived with his Muggle relatives over the summer holidays, but he hadn't expected the house to be so grimy. "He deserves so much better than this!"

"I know," said his companion in fiery tones. "To think He's forced to tolerate such indignities, when that... horrible boy," this was said with utter loathing, "lives in my lovely old house!"

Colin quite agreed that Draco Malfoy was a horrible boy and much more besides. He hadn't known that the Malfoys were house thieves, but he wasn't surprised by the discovery. He was so overcome with indignation, however, that he could only nod vehemently.

The witch grasped his wrist, her long fingernails digging into the skin as she pulled Colin through the hallways. He craned his neck and tried to look in all the corners of Harry's house as he tripped along behind her. At last, she opened a door and dragged him inside a sparse room. Bookshelves lined the walls, and the bed was in a corner, close to a large fireplace. There was a table, one chair, and some sort of large basket in the corner. Had Harry got a familiar over the holidays? The woman whipped Colin around and thrust him face-first into the pillow.

He breathed deeply. A faint smell like a reptile cage--that made sense, since Harry was a Parselmouth. No scent of shampoo. So this was what Harry smelled like in the mornings. He felt himself becoming even more distinctly aroused. His companion purred and swiftly divested him of his clothing. She then stripped out of her robes and threw herself upon the bed with abandon. She rolled on top of him and took charge. Colin was very unsure of what to do, so he tried to imitate the motions of the wizards he'd seen in certain discreet periodicals.

"What are you doing?" she snapped. "Don't you have the faintest idea what to do with a woman?"

His eyes got very wide and he looked very nervous as he stammered, "Of cou-course I do." It was a poor performance, and he knew it.

Her voice became a crooning mockery of a motherly tone as she grasped his hips firmly and moved his body for him. "Oh, you dear boy, you really haven't, have you." It wasn't a question. "Ah, if only my husband understood my needs, he could have joined us. He likes the fresh ones best."

Colin froze for a moment. "Your husband?" His voice cracked again.

"Don't stop!" She slapped his face, then ran her long nails fiercely down his chest. "Yes, my husband. We haven't been together in years, since he refuses to pretend with me. I think he's--oh!--with my sister and her husband now."

Colin wasn't sure what to make of this, so he closed his eyes and thought, Harry, Harry, as the woman concentrated on her own pleasure on top of him.

"My Lord!" she screamed. Colin wholeheartedly agreed with the sentiment. "My Lord," he breathed, wondering if God would forgive him for fornicating and praying at the same time.

He was young, she was eager, and it was soon over. As they reached the apex of the experience, both cried out the name of the man in their minds.

"Haa-aaary!" Colin shouted, being bounced about on the bed.

"Voldemort!" Bellatrix screamed, flinging her head back and driving Colin into the headboard.

Both of them froze in place, unutterably shocked. Colin was certain he was about to die.

There really was only one solution to this travesty. Bellatrix snatched up her wand and shrieked, "Avada Kedavra!"

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